In a live address to the United States and the world, President Obama announced that U.S. military forces have killed Osama bin Laden, the mastermind behind the 9/11 terrorist attacks.Yes, that's right, Bin Laden was the mastermind of the 9/11 terrorist attacks!
Bin Laden was the puppet master of nineteen elite newbies with indestructable passports and bandanas, who trained at US military bases and were capable of flying planes at 500 miles per hour into towers not much wider than the wingspan of the planes while banking, and could overcome enormous G-Forces while diving into light poles and crashing into the ground floor of a conveniently reinforced section of the most heavily defended building on Earth, without touching the lawn, but stupidly left a convenient paper trail for US authorities to follow.
Bin Laden was able to manufacture hundreds of tonnes of high-tech, aluminothermic, explosive nanotechnology and sneak it into the WTC buildings. And for some reason decided to go through the extra trouble of ramming planes into them and wait over an hour for most of the infidels to get out before demolishing them.
Bin Laden broke the laws of physics to destroy an empty third building with no infidels in to make Larry Silverstein, who was on the phone to his insurance company discussing demolishing the building, a lot of money.
And now he's dead and buried ... but, as he's done a number of times before, there's always the possibility he could regenerate like Doctor Who, and come back to life with a new face and voice!