Thursday, May 3, 2012

My Top 10 Insane Conspiracy Theories

For Infowars Nightly News last night, Paul Joseph Watson counted down his top 10 insane conspiracy theories which distract from exposing real coverups. Many of them were about Alex Jones and himself. His humorous list inspired me to make a slightly more serious list of my top 10 insane conspiracy theories.

10) YouTube meddling with view counts 

It's a conspiracy!

Okay, it wouldn't surprise me if YouTube does meddle with view counts, but I'm sick of people making a big deal over the fact that every video on Alex Jones' channel and other big truth/conspiracy channels gets stuck on 300 views for a while shortly after they've been uploaded. It happens to every channel!

9) The Pentagon no-plane/missile/flyover theory

The circular reasoning of Pentagon no-planers: "There's no plane debris, therefore a plane didn't hit the Pentagon." *Shows pictures of plane debris* "Those pieces of debris were planted!" "Oh really?!" "They must have been, because we know a plane didn't hit the pentagon!" "How do you know a plane didn't hit the pentagon?" "Because there was no debris!"


And don't even get me started on the flyover theory.

8) Vaccines do no good

Contrary to what some may assume, I'm not actually "anti-vaccine". Vaccines are 250-year-old technology that obviously have done a lot of good. I actually agree with skeptics on this point. It's not vaccine technology in general that's the problem, but the specific products that the pharmaceutical industry puts out.

7) Lady Gaga is a man

Stefani Germanotta as a little girl

Lady Gaga is kind of a guilty pleasure of mine. Most people in conspiracy circles believe she's an Illuminati puppet who's part of some demoralization agenda. While there probably is some truth there, you have to admit she's very talented, at least compared to many other popular "artists" today (*Cough* Justin Bieber *Cough*). Also, her songs translate quite well to heavy metal![1] [2] [3] [4]

I've never really cared much for celebrity conspiracy theories. Could Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse have really been murdered? Well, it wouldn't surprise me, but I haven't really researched any of them so I don't know. Could Disney teen sensations be under some form of mind control? Again, it wouldn't surprise me. We're all under mind control to some degree. That's what propaganda, marketing and indoctrination is. The theory that Lady Gaga is a secretly a man though is just silly.

6) The Moon-landing hoax theory

Back when I was a teenager I actually used to believe this. Eventually I realised a lot of people would have to be involved and fully aware of the hoax. Compartmentalization would be stretched beyond its limits. In 2008, MythBusters pretty much answered my remaining questions.

5) The man in the "fatty" Bin Laden video isn't Bin Laden

Al-Zawahiri and Al-Harbi talking to a fat guy in a suit... apparently.

Again, this was something I used to believe until this 9/11 Myths article set me straight. See, we agree with the debunkers on some things!

4) The Intelligent Design = Creationism conspiracy theory

This is a conspiracy theory advocated by those who attack us: the skeptics. Basically, in early drafts of the intelligent design book, Of Pandas and People, the authors used the word "creationism" instead of "intelligent design". Then in a subsequent draft, all instances of the word "creationism" were replaced with "intelligent design" and all instances of the word "creationist" were replaced with "design proponent", and in one case, since I guess the Ctrl-H function didn't exist in the 80s, "cdesign proponentsists". This is cited as proof by many that intelligent design is simply a conspiracy to sneak creationism into the classrooms. And "cdesign proponentsists" has been widely ridiculed as the 'missing link' between creationism and intelligent design.

I'll admit, it's kind of funny. The problem is, "creationism" and "intelligent design" are just labels. The "skeptics" have it backwards. This doesn't prove that intelligent design = creationism. All it proves is that what we now call intelligent design was at some point during its development referred to as creationism. That doesn't change the fact that they are two distinctly different ideas. Also, there are references to the term "intelligent design" and "intelligent designer" going back to the 1700s. The term was even used by Charles Darwin in 1861.

The Skeptics Society: Hard forensic evidence isn't good enough evidence for the 9/11 conspiracy theory, but a few old, mined quotations and a typo is all the proof you need for the ID = creationism conspiracy theory! Don't believe the anti-establishment conspiracy theories, believe the pro-establishment conspiracy theories!

3) "That's No Moon!"

I'm fairly open-minded about a lot of what David Icke says, even the reptilian stuff. I'm not saying I believe it, but I'm not completely close-minded to it either. I've heard of crazier beliefs (*Cough* Scientology *Cough*). But his most recent claim that "the moon is not real" is just too much. It's not so much the theory itself but the new age belief that it's part of. Icke essentially believes that thousands of years ago the world was like Pandora from Avatar. There was an abundance of life and we were all spiritually connected and everything was in harmony etc. And then the evil moon - which was actually built by aliens - came a long and screwed it all up. The problem is, if we didn't have a moon, we wouldn't be here!

Because of complex gravitational interactions with the outer planets, the tilt of the Earth would, if it didn't have a large moon, vary chaotically. We know this because we can observe it happening to Mars. The Earth's tilt is at a relatively constant 23 degrees. If we didn't have a moon it would vary between 10 and 40 degrees over periods of millions of years. Millions of years may sound like a a long time, but in evolutionary terms it's really not. Such variation in tilt would cause an erratic climate which would prevent complex life from evolving in the first place. So the moon sort of functions as a cosmic tail rotor. It's not bad. It doesn't screw up a perfect balance. It's a neccesary part of one!

2) "It's the Joooooos!"

Suck my jaggon, anti-semites!

1) TV fakery and fake phone calls

What the September Clues people are arguing essentially is that the entire population of New York City was involved in the 9/11 conspiracy. It's no surprise that I would put the TV fakery theory at number one. The reason I'm putting the fake phone call theory at number one as well is because I honestly believe it to be equally offensive.